Easing Into a New School
How to Help Your Child Adjust
By E. Marcel Pourtout and Michelle Bourg
As the old saying goes, “Nothing is constant except change.” All change requires some adjustment, and transitioning to a new school is right up at the top of the list. It’s a difficult time for children, who thrive on routine and have fewer coping skills than adults.
From preschool to college, starting or changing schools is a dramatic—potentially traumatic—milestone. School is where children begin to establish their identity and relationships outside the family; changing schools means starting all over again.
Different schools mean new teachers and classmates, new social landscapes to navigate—it’s enough to make your child feel like they’re setting foot on a new planet.
This change can be challenging for parents, as well. It’s natural to have some worries as your child walks into a new situation, filled with strangers and the stresses of fitting in and finding their way around.
However, there are some simple strategies you can follow to ease your family’s transition to a new school.
Be Present
One of the most important things you can do to help your children—and yourself— negotiate any life change is to maintain a calm presence. Children pick up on your feelings, so it’s important to communicate a positive attitude.
A good way to help kids feel positive about the situation is to give them a voice in decisions whenever appropriate. Whether it’s about choosing a school or selecting the day’s outfit, asking their opinion on things that affect them directly lets them feel that they’re part of the process and have some control over their lives.
This approach is especially important if your child is changing schools in middle or high school.
The tween and teen years make such a transition much more challenging. The situation is fraught: Emotions are heightened during these years, and they’re leaving behind good friends and perhaps even romantic relationships.
There’s also increased pressure to excel academically, with students getting ready to make decisions about their futures and contending with college admissions.
Ironically, this is also the age at which your child is less likely to admit vulnerability or to confide in you. It’s crucial to “hold on loosely” while watching for warning signs such as changes in behavior, eating habits or grades before major problems develop.
Of course, no matter what you do, your child may be distraught about their change in environment. The loss of friends and comforting routines, the idea of walking into a strange new school—it can be overwhelming. If your child is having a rough time adjusting, consider having them see a therapist to help them deal with their issues. The new school’s guidance counselor can also help them get used to their new environment, both by listening to their concerns and offering suggestions for courses or extracurricular activities that fit their interests.
Jump Into the New School
Regardless of whether your child will be attending an independent or public school, you’ll want to pay a visit to the campus and attend an orientation to help you and your child get acclimated to their new surroundings.
“Anxious kids really need orientation to the school,” says Dr. John Lochridge, a child, adult and family psychiatrist. “They may have difficulties with things like the lockers, cafeteria and playground. The parents and students should do a full tour of everything and discuss things such as seating with the teachers.”
Afterward, make sure to talk with them to address any questions or concerns they might have. “The children may have additional questions after orientation, so it’s important to go over every aspect of it,” Lochridge says.
“Try to get their feelings about it and let them lead the conversation.”
Preparation is also the key to making this transition a smooth one. Particularly if you’re changing school systems or transferring to an independent school, the curriculum and culture are likely to be slightly different. Find out what’s already been covered, and if there are areas that your child is unfamiliar with, arrange for extra study or tutoring so he or she won’t be behind.
The best source of inside information is someone who’s been there, so reach out to other parents for insights. Plus, talking about kids and schools is a surefire icebreaker.
Jumping into the new school along with your child can also help this stressful situation go smoother. Join a parent-teacher organization or volunteer for fundraising activities. And encourage your child to get involved in school activities as early as possible, whether it’s trying out for a sport, joining a club or volunteering for service
opportunities. Exploring things they’re interested in is a natural way for them to meet other kids with similar interests, which can help forge new friendships.
Establish a Routine
While your child is adjusting to changes at school, try to maintain a home routine as similar as possible to the one you’re used to. When other areas of life are in flux, a familiar routine is reassuring for everyone. Maintaining a set bedtime is especially important; tired kids (and adults) deal less well with stress.
“I believe in the parents sitting down with their children and setting up a structured situation about a week in advance of the school year,” says Lochridge. “You want the children waking up early and starting a morning routine—having breakfast, getting dressed and going someplace.”
And keep that sense of structure going. Have regular conversations with your child as the school year approaches, as it begins, and throughout the school year. Let them know you’re interested and invested in how they’re adjusting. Check in with their teachers and guidance counselor as well. They may have insights into how well your child is doing socially and academically that your child may have trouble communicating—or may just not want to talk about.
By maintaining a consistent home life, showing interest and maintaining open lines of communication, you’ll be well on your way to helping your child adjust to this transition and ensuring that they not just survive but thrive in their new surroundings.